dropping by to blog
It was very long ago since I’ve blog…coz during this period I have lots of thoughts and wasn’t free to blog. Since today I am free I will blog all that I can remember and comment all I want… hmmm…this week school have just started and things have not been on the right track… what do I mean by that…well…today is the fourth day of school and I am still having holiday mood. That is not very good…hate what I am doing, I am just like a car going a very fast speed and suddenly stall and can’t get the engine started…hope by end of the week I can fire up this old engine of my. Oh… I have get back all my common test results…I believe it is GOD’s blessing…and I really want to thank those who have pray for my exam and those have encourage me during the exam period… thank you people… I have score A’s for all four subject. One of the subjects is A-distinction. I am happy with the result…but In order to maintain this result I think I need a lot effort…so I need to fire up my rusty engine fast…haha…. Labels: feeling are hard to ignore...
Hmmm…I also just came back from a family trip to Malaysia, Genting. Well…what I can say about the entire trip was just fun only…haha…may be the reason is I did not really go there to enjoy…but to go there to rest…I play during the first day then sleep throughout the second day…den play a bit and walk about the entire place and then did a bit of planning during the trip too…of cause did try out the casino…haha…before singapore IR is ready…opss…no lar…just to go there see see look look… but the thing I experience is that…people going there to play really need a lot of discipline cause the human mentality is very easily loss its stand…cause if a person win in the start and starting to lose all his or her winning back it is very natural that they want to win everything back again…but most of the time loosing is the ending… take my self for an example…I won almost 100 RM in the start but after a while of playing I lost everything back…so I tried my luck again and that is the beginning sign and symptom of being hook to gambling and that was not my objective…haha…so I stop once I lost around 70 RM… then I just sit around the casino to accompany my mother to play…but I wasn’t not satisfied with the result so I did went in to play again…so in the end I lost a total of 130 RM to that place…but I learnt that self control and discipline is very important if we are going to such places…going there to have fun is ok but don’t throw in all you have…cause the consequence can be very hard to face… btw I came back to Singapore on my own cause I need to conduct the sec 1 first aid camp…all I can remember for the trip was I have very nice rest…haha coz for that 7hrs of journey I sleep throughout… and ya…Singaporean PLS don’t try our Singapore government system…coz there is something happen at the Singapore custom where there is a group of young youth being stop and fine for bringing contraband to Singapore. The whole process of fine took very long and coz my coach to stuck at the custom for 1hrs just to wait for them to pay the fine. Ok enough about that… let’s talk about the camp I just had…we call it the JAC or June adventure camp.
This camp is a camp where there is 2 different running at the same time. One of it is adventure camp and the other is my first aid camp. Hmmm…if you ask me to rate for my camp I will say it should be around 6 to 7 point standard…coz I believe that my Boys have learnt quite a lot…and all this I have to thank Yvonne, my sister and her friend Cheryl. If not my camp wont be that fun liao…
Ok Lar…enough of the blogging liao… got to go sleep …
Anyway I am still feeling lost and sad…I can’t bluff myself any longer…
John have leave his thought @ 10:30 PM
Giving Up soon......
I am back here updating again…well I guess this blog is for me to vent all my emotion…I will only update whenever I can’t find any one to talk to ba… reason I am blogging at this hour is because there is this unknown feeling deep in me that is making me very uncomfortable and I don’t like that feeling. I don’t know how to describe about this feeling that I am having, all I know that this feeling is making me wanting to quit all that I am doing and just do nothing, That include BB as well. I really don’t know what have get into me but I am just not behaving right. I really want to find someone to share with but who is there that I can turn to? There is on one out there that I really can share without being fearless and can break down or even to get comfort from. Some who read this might think that all this is what you ask for what. But the true fact is that, how many can of us out there can get comfortable showing there weakest part of themselves to others? That is why a lot of us will appear the totally different self in front of other people. Sometime I don’t call this acting but I will call is self defensive system. Is a system that is in build in all of us that it will auto trigger by itself and causing us to behave differently. For example, a guy can be very boastful and talkative in of his friends, but naturally he will behave differently when he is someone who is very close to him. Why is that so?
Seriously, I am thinking of taking along break from all that I am doing and want to be alone. How I wish now I am all alone on a peaceful island, with crystal white sand and sparkling clear water. May be that is an indication that I really need a break. Really tired……
John have leave his thought @ 1:16 AM
BOTC Residential Weekend
I have just come back from an interesting week end…during the weekend I went to Malaysia for my BOTC Residential Weekend. There were a total of 46 participants for this camp. We really enjoy our self. The entire group felt very bless…it is because we were suppose to stay overnight at the campsite. As there is an over flooding of people in the camp and all the participants there were all Muslim and only our groups are Christian group. Base on RAMs and PEEP’s model…the best way to prevent risk from happening is to separate our self from them. So the camp committee decided to change another venue for our group to stay overnight. We went to a resort in kukup…to our surprise the living condition there were so much better than the camp sites…some more the all the rooms there were all equipped with air condition. Not only that…we also have a wonderful supper.
Just to share the whole trip experience with all…we gather at BBHQ at 0730hrs and we set off for Malaysia at 0815hrs…and reach the immigration gantry at about 0900hrs and stuck in a traffic jam till 1030hrs then we reach Singapore customs…then we change to a new bus at the Malaysia custom side…from Malaysia custom to the campsite we took another 30 min drive…so we reach the campsite at about 1120hrs…so at the campsite the first activities that we did was objective setting…and orientate our self at the camp site...then following by lunch, seriously the serving was very little and surprising most of us still said we were full…may be the food was really bad…then after lunch we bunk into the room given to us we proceed on to the activities…all the activities that we are doing are all wet activities…during one of the activities I was bitten by a LEECH !!! It wasn’t painful or anything…just that suddenly there is a mole like stuff stuck on my ankle… by the end of all the activities we change to our dry clothing…den we do our outdoor cooking…we were very lucky to have a mother in our group…so we basically have good home cook meal…then after the dinner is about 2000hrs…we pack our stuff then board the bus to change our sleeping journey…we reach our next destination at about 1000hrs…we resettle down in to 3 to 6 in a room…then we have a nice shower…after that we have our sumptuous supper all of us sit down for a 20min debrief for the day…the second day we woke up at 0640hrs then we travel 2hrs to travel back to the camp site for the water fall trekking…the trekking for me was super siong…but I did complete the trek…=D at the water fall…most of us enjoy our self at the waterfall…then have lunch at the foot of the hill…then after that we change and travel back to Singapore…we reach Singapore at about 1730hrs… then reach home bath and sleep till this morning 10am…
Now my whole body still aching…haha…
Write till here…
John have leave his thought @ 9:08 PM
BOTC Residential Weekend
I have just come back from an interesting week end…during the weekend I went to Malaysia for my BOTC Residential Weekend. There were a total of 46 participants for this camp. We really enjoy our self. The entire group felt very bless…it is because we were suppose to stay overnight at the campsite. As there is an over flooding of people in the camp and all the participants there were all Muslim and only our groups are Christian group. Base on RAMs and PEEP’s model…the best way to prevent risk from happening is to separate our self from them. So the camp committee decided to change another venue for our group to stay overnight. We went to a resort in kukup…to our surprise the living condition there were so much better than the camp sites…some more the all the rooms there were all equipped with air condition. Not only that…we also have a wonderful supper.
Just to share the whole trip experience with all…we gather at BBHQ at 0730hrs and we set off for Malaysia at 0815hrs…and reach the immigration gantry at about 0900hrs and stuck in a traffic jam till 1030hrs then we reach Singapore customs…then we change to a new bus at the Malaysia custom side…from Malaysia custom to the campsite we took another 30 min drive…so we reach the campsite at about 1120hrs…so at the campsite the first activities that we did was objective setting…and orientate our self at the camp site...then following by lunch, seriously the serving was very little and surprising most of us still said we were full…may be the food was really bad…then after lunch we bunk into the room given to us we proceed on to the activities…all the activities that we are doing are all wet activities…during one of the activities I was bitten by a LEECH !!! It wasn’t painful or anything…just that suddenly there is a mole like stuff stuck on my ankle… by the end of all the activities we change to our dry clothing…den we do our outdoor cooking…we were very lucky to have a mother in our group…so we basically have good home cook meal…then after the dinner is about 2000hrs…we pack our stuff then board the bus to change our sleeping journey…we reach our next destination at about 1000hrs…we resettle down in to 3 to 6 in a room…then we have a nice shower…after that we have our sumptuous supper all of us sit down for a 20min debrief for the day…the second day we woke up at 0640hrs then we travel 2hrs to travel back to the camp site for the water fall trekking…the trekking for me was super siong…but I did complete the trek…=D at the water fall…most of us enjoy our self at the waterfall…then have lunch at the foot of the hill…then after that we change and travel back to Singapore…we reach Singapore at about 1730hrs… then reach home bath and sleep till this morning 10am…
Now my whole body still aching…haha…
Write till here…
John have leave his thought @ 9:08 PM
my prayer!
Today was an extreme tired day…not only physically but mentally as well…last night was not able to sleep well…although I went to sleep consider early…I went to sleep like about 11pm soon I was dreaming…but I kept waking up throughout the night…keep waking up after each dream…cant really remember what was the content also… but it was really a bad experience… wake up like at 1am, 3.30am, 5am and 7am. Then I wake up at 9am to bath and prepare myself to go school…den reach school like 10.50am 10miniute before the 1st lesson starts…den this though came to my mind…is this course really what I want to do and can I excel a not…it is not really encouraging as today is the only 7th day in school…and there is like so many days, months and years ahead of me…then I told myself that since I wanted to get into this course then no matter how tiring is it or how tough is it I have to excel no matter what… what I think I can do is also pray hard enough that GOD will bring me through all the difficulties I am facing and hope that HE will hear my prayer…
John have leave his thought @ 10:50 PM
will time just fly pass
Today is the 2nd week of my studies…still trying to get adjusted to the life of being a student…hmmm….today lesson was alright…all the IS module…today was also the first time typing a essay base on a topic…lucky was not ask to type 1000 words long kind…
Suddenly feel that life in poly will be faster then life in NS…maybe is because in poly there is a study plan and we can see or gauge what will be coming up and get our self ready…and I also feel that time will fly pass even faster when we are looking at event that have short intervals…example if there is 10 week of study and there will be 5 class test…then by the time we sit for the 5th class test the whole semester will be over…
Then in NS is different, we will not really know what will be ahead of us…just like a lot people say “army train people to wait and people always wait to be train.” So in short we guys in NS is always train to wait and wait to train…there for the more waiting time the slower time passes…haha…
Any way I was thinking of a phrase that some one told me, ‘wounds from a friend are better than many kisses from an enemy’. Is this sentence really true? How many can really understand this sentence and response like this sentence? To be frank I cant, I don’t know how to react. I only know, I can’t accept this kind of feeling. So the only way I think suit me was to dig a deep hole and bury the pain and sorrow in that deep deep hole that I have dug. During the digging period is normally what I call the emo-ing period. Then the period I use to bury the problem is what I call the recovering period. Then after the whole process is done, normally I should be done too. Some after reading this will question me, why do you have to do this? Well…mostly I will reply that…Who will really understand your problems? The more you share the more you need to explain. The more you explain, the more you will think of the problem. The more you think of the problem the longer you will take to recover. Worst still if the person you trying to share your problem with cant understand you and start to rebuke at you. Then isn’t sharing with a person doesn’t help at all?
Well, sharing with people do not really help all the time; keeping to yourself does not really solve the problem. But at least if it is a small problem there is not a need a long explanation.
Well people can try to convince me to change my mindset but I will say this; no matter how you try I will try to understand and change if I feel there is a need.
But you don’t want me to care I can just simply don’t waste my brain cell on you. Coz I still got my own life to handle and my own problem to handle too...
Guess that all I will say….
John have leave his thought @ 8:49 PM
wasted day!
Today was a extremely sian day…today I was suppose to do a couple of thing but end up doing nothing…today I was suppose to do things like revision, clean up my room and go to church… feeling so bad now… L
Tml, is a brand new start of a week…i must start to tune myself back to be a student…do what student suppose to do…things like wake up on time for school, remember to do homework, remember to do research, time to play must play hard and time to study must study hard and smart last but not least must revise all the thing I have learnt again and again till I can never forget it…
Well…I write till here…
John have leave his thought @ 8:59 PM
